My daddy gave a calf to me
For a Christmas present once
I picked a little heifer out
'Cause both of us were runts
She never had no sense
But she grew up allright some how
And when it came to givin' milk
She was an educated cow.

MOO! (Chorus)

Bessie the heifer
Queen of all the cows
She gave more milk than any law allows
In the mornin' she gets pasteurized
At night she gets homogenized
Bessie the heifer
The queen of all the cows.

I took her to the county fair
To try to win a prize
She knew just what was goin' on
I saw it in her eyes
The contest made her nervous
She tried so hard to please
But when I tried to milk her
All I got was cottage cheese.


I planted me a 'tater patch
To earn some extra dough
To take a short vacation
With this city guy I know
But no one else would milk the cow
No matter how I'd nag
So he took my vacation
Leavin' me to hold the bag.


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