Bessie the Heffer

My daddy gave a calf to me

For a Christmas present once

I picked a little heifer out

'Cause both of us were runts

She never had no sense

But she grew up allright some how

And when it came to givin' milk

She was an educated cow.

MOO! (Chorus)

Bessie the heifer

Queen of all the cows

She gave more milk than any law allows

In the mornin' she gets pasteurized

At night she gets homogenized

Bessie the heifer

The queen of all the cows.

I took her to the county fair

To try to win a prize

She knew just what was goin' on

I saw it in her eyes

The contest made her nervous

She tried so hard to please

But when I tried to milk her

All I got was cottage cheese.

(Chorus)

I planted me a 'tater patch

To earn some extra dough

To take a short vacation

With this city guy I know

But no one else would milk the cow

No matter how I'd nag

So he took my vacation

Leavin' me to hold the bag.

(Chorus)